I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
