Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
