If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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