Umm I'm too high to move.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
