what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
