He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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