were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
