eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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