so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
