I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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