I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
