I'm going to jail i love you
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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