meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
