That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
