I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
