I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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