if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
