when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
