Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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