Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
