walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
