The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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