Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
