I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
