I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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