So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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