he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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