I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
