Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
