So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
