Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
