I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize