I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
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