i jhust puked up my retainher.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
