I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
