i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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