watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
