this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
