quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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