The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
