I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
