Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
