just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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