I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize