So drunk its hurt
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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