dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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