Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
