OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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