The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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