I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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