So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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