this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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