Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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