At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
