dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
