it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
