She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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