apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
