Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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