I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
