exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Send help, water and tortillas.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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