I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
