when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
