I need help removing her.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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