A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
