Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
