I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i wish my penis had a tongue
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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