you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
