So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
