Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
