my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize