She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
